Humor Archives - Rainbow


We Cover All Things Funny, from Common Jokes to Memes

What Causes Anguish in a Married Woman?

A humorous look into the not so secret inner workings of the female mind, good for a laugh.Even though if you ask a woman if she is a typical woman she will say no, chances are if you ask her significant other he will probably say that she has many of the stereotypical traits that men are always making fun of, but confronted with this insight the woman will not only deny this, but will give examples of how she is not like other women.Here, you will be able to examine and appraise some of the more common ways in which women behave in all their dealings with their men.1) She can and will confront her partner when she feels she has grown in size. But, for him, his reply must always be similar.2) She will talk against her own kin. But, under no circumstances can he indulge himself in such behaviour as well.3) Women also enjoy bashing their significant others family, and if he does not agree then he is blind and stupid.4) If a man makes a mess but does not clean it up he is being lazy, but when the a woman leaves a mess it is ok because she is just tired.5) She is allowed to claim that if he is annoyed by her behaviour, he can leave. But, he can, under no circumstances, claim the same thing.6) When he barks out at their kids, he must control himself because she never does the same. In her case, it is their kids who must learn how not to anger her.7) When a Woman asks her significant other to make her a cup of coffee it is no big deal, and is expected to be done with out a complaint, but if a man asks a woman for a cup of coffee the woman will come back with “I am Not Your Slave”.8) When the partner does not respond, the woman shouts and asks him to do so.

But when he does, the woman shouts and asks him to shut up.9) She will raise hell the moment he fails to comply with her important requests. But when he argues on the same lines, she will state that the same moral does not apply because each and every issue is crucial to her.10) If he goes out and spends cash on something, she will claim that is a spendthrift. But, when she follows suit, the reason is that life is worth living to the fullest.11) The partner does not know how to say sorry. The woman does, but, it is just that there is never a reason to say it.12) The partner has got to nurture the relationship. But, on the other hand, the woman is tired and needs her beauty sleep.Closure:Let it not be argued or mentioned that a man is more than a woman because the opposite is the case. Women have more brains, are funnier and have a much better sense of fashion and humane characteristics. All I have done above is pointed out some of our female oddities, and such have not degraded women, but rather empowered them.

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Where’s There’s Three

Grandma made a major decision the other day. She had been ponderin and ponderin how to deal with her three little darlins in the best way possible. She finally decided since there were three of them, maybe there should be three of her. Yep, Grandma decided she’d split her personality into three personalities and become three in one. Who knows? Even that Miss Ophrie might come a callin to her door and a wantin to meet them three in one. So Grandma had to decide which three personalities she’d be. She thought about the girlies’ favorites, but she didn’t know what no Lindsay Lahon, Hannah Montana, Dora the Explorer, Taylor Hicks, Paula Abdul, Hillary Duff, or even Polly Pockets might be all about. So Grandma just fell back on her old tried and true personalities—some that she knew real, real good! For starters, Grandma thought it might be a good idea to start the day off with her Shirley Temple personality. After all, her little sweeties couldn’t even be that sweet theirselfs. Grandma thought she could get that nice Miss Cindy down at the Roffler Shop to put them Shirley Temple curls all over her head. Then she’d find herself some big fancy candy shop and git her the biggest, stripedest lollipop that’s ever been made. Grandma’s old knees got to knockin when she slipped right into her Shirley Temple stand-out dress with her crinoline slip peekin out from the bottom. Grandma even brought out an old pair of Shirley Temple black patent leathers to complete her new personality. Needless to say, when Grandma Shirley Temple walked in to model her new personality to her babies, they all went to screamin and a laughin and callin Grandma a silly goose. That, of course, was before they spied the giant lollipop, and then they started to grabbin and callin claims to that big beauty with so much enthusiasm they crushed the candy part and sent the stick part a sailin through the air until it landed straight up and down in Grandpa’s glasses (which he’d just put on to see who that cute little doll in the Shirley Temple curls was).

Fortunately for him, he didn’t have ‘em on long enough to see Grandma a pullin just bout ever one of them curls straight out. So, on to the next personality. Grandma thought she’d make a perfect Annie Oakley. Gittin a big ole hat over what was left of them curls was not too much trouble, but when Grandma put them spurs on her brogans she wound up scratchin up her brand new hardwood floors that Grandpa had just laid. Grandma didn’t have no cowgirl vest so she just grabbed the chenille bedspread, and it almost went all way around her to be the purtiest vest any cowgirl ever saw. Last, Grandma strapped her gun and holster set (who knows where it came from?) round her hips. Then she picked up the babies’ jump rope and started to twirling that rope and a lassoing right there in front of that television set where them babies was glued to some show called Deal or No Deal. It took ‘em a minute to notice Annie (aka Grandma), but when they did, they went to grabbin and callin claims on them there guns on Annie’s hips. Whoa! Grandma couldn’t let them sweeties get their hands on no guns so she thought real fast and with all her might and her sharp-shooter’s eye, she slung them guns straight for the sink full of dirty dishes. She knowed them girls wouldn’t go nowhere near dirty dishes, and she was right. The next thing she heard was, “No deal!” Well, Grandma was now left with her choice of a third personality. There was no question which one that would be. Grandma got her lipstick out and drawed her biggest, reddest Joan Crawford smile anybody had ever seen. Yep, Grandma was gonna be a perfect Mommy Dearest. To tell you what happened next would be too scary, but Grandma’ll tell you in a heartbeat that her babies won’t go near the closet no more, and they keep awakin up in the middle of the night screamin something she can’t understand about coat hangers. Grandma tried. Grandma failed. Now Grandma will just be Grandma, but she still wonders what would have happened if she’d just made her experiment a little easier and split into the Three Stooges instead. (Bomp, slap, thump!!)

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Why Al-Qaeda’s Promise Of Paradise Is Fundamentally Illogical

As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic. Let’s begin by reviewing the fundamental values on which their provocative illogic is based: 1. There is only one true God 2. God is great 3. The way to please God is to kill people who don’t believe in Him exactly the way we do. Well, well, let’s have a look-see. If there is only one true God, we are all – Sunnis, Shiites, Christians, Jews, and those who believe anything else – “children” of the same God. If God is great, God is logical. If God is logical, He would very likely not be pleased by some of His children killing His other children. In fact, He would, logically, be upset. If so, He would be far less likely to offer the preferment of His highest reward to those who killed His other children. In the traditional eschatology of what’s up and what’s down, He would, in fact, present the wayward murderers with a more heated welcome and final destination. Now, in place of Al-Qaeda’s fundamental illogic, let’s ask if there might be a more promising means of paradisiacal ascent. How about, instead of belligerence, beards or burkahs, we turn to that staple of merit, behavior? We suggest the widely applicable alternative of mutually considerate behavior; even better, the high but underestimated virtue of kindness. We needn’t put off those we hope most to influence by suggesting the ideal advocated by many of those al-Qaeda tarnishes as infidels and crusaders: love for one another. Yes, Osama and Ayman, it is by behavior inspirited by benevolence, not murder incited by hatred, that Muslims, or any other inhabitants of this life-blessed earth, are more likely to please any one true God and thereby gain entrance to the Paradise such a God may have reserved for them. If one must advocate a radicalism, let it be a commendable one – a radicalism, preferably considered just normal behavior, that embraces all humans beings as brothers and sisters, and, in fact, every living thing that has found a foothold on this fragile paradise of life, as it spins its uncertain way through the slightly traveled and only fractionally understood universe.

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5 Big Advantages of PC Games on Demand

Not to knock PlayStation 2 or Xbox 360, but I have a decent PC. The consoles are okay for the kids, but I am happy with a keyboard and mouse.

I play online games to relax between work sessions on the computer. I don’t want to get up from the machine to play. Thankfully, there are games on demand made for my PC.

Here are some of the reasons PC games on demand are going to change the way most of us play the latest video and audio intensive games:

1. Instant Gratification. I can demo the latest games to see what appeals to me. When I find a winner, I can purchase on the spot and download the entire game instantly. No waits. No trips to the mall to find the game I want – if they have it in stock.

2. New technology takes care of the install. Some PC games can be a bear to install from a CD or DVD. Why bother. I downloaded a fast free player from Triton, and I am using the latest streaming technology to start playing the hottest games on the net.

3. I can begin playing full games within minutes of purchase. Triton’s player will download and install your new game in the background using the fastest streaming delivery media available today. You don’t have to wait for the entire game to download before you begin play.

4. Automatic updates. When you login to your game, Triton automatically makes sure you have the latest and greatest version of your game and player. No more searching the Internet for updates. You get yours automatically in the background.

5. Worldwide availability. No matter where you live in the world, if you have a good PC and a broadband Internet connection, you have access to the best games at the same time as anyone else. It doesn’t matter if your local computer store carries the game you want or if they sold out before you went to buy. You are in control.

As PCs get more powerful, and broadband becomes the international standard for accessing the Internet, it only makes sense to move to a faster, more economical delivery method for cutting edge games.

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Wimbledon Comes Out Swinging; Games Go On Even As England Mourns 7/7

One of the most winning things about spirits irrepressible is that they always come out swinging. And that resilient spirit was on prideful display at Wimbledon, which respectfully went its traditional way even as the people of London marked the dastardly bombing of the “tube” with sad but resolute hearts. As expected, Roger Federer banished his Swedish opponent, Jonas Bjorkman, in the semifinals. ”I was flawless,” Federer said. ”I had high expectations to win this match today. And then to come through and play at the level I did today, that’s great.” He went on to say, ”It’s just a beautiful feeling. You don’t get it very often. When you can dominate an opponent, it’s always sort of nice. But then especially in a semifinals of a Grand Slam, it’s even better.” In the final on Sunday, he went on to trouce the Spanish racketeer Rafael Nadal, despite the mind-troubling reality that Nadal had beat him in the French Open and in four other recent outings. Now, his record of four consecutive Wimbledon wins rockets him to the sunny heaven of tennis with Bjorn Borg, who won five in a row, and Pete Sampras, who went four for four. But more than anything else, the continuance of the matches even in the solemnity of mourning bespeaks the power stroke of the human spirit, whether it is applied to the most serious intent or simply to masterful frivolity. It is that same irrepressible strength that will allow it in time to dominate its opponents, including the recent excrescence of purblind evil we call terrorists.

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Valentine’s Day Cards

Valentine’s Day is celebrated every year on February the 14th. This day is celebrated to express love. For lovers it is the most important day as they can express their deepest feelings to their loved ones. On Valentine’s Day we honor all those people who we love the most. Love is the most beautiful feeling in which our heart does the talking. To express this beautiful feeling millions and millions are spent on cards, flowers, gifts and candies every year. The best way to express the impact of love is the Valentine Card. The Valentine Cards are one of the most special attractions of the Valentine’s Day. The history of Valentine cards dates back to the Middle Ages. It is said that while in prison Charles, Duke of Orleans wrote a poem to his spouse whom he loved the most. A Valentine Day card gives your loved one the message that how much you love them and how important he or she is in your life. The most important thing in the card is the message the colors and other things provide a supporting value. A Valentine Card can be very helpful when someone is expressing his or her love for the first time. This is a very special occasion for many people and requires a lot of courage. A Valentine card can be very helpful in this time as it can easily convey your message in an appropriate manner to your loved one.

A Valentine card can be given with a valentine gift also. Another way to impress your sweetheart is to give a handmade valentine card. You can decorate it with pictures of your own choice, glitter or any other type of crafts, while you can also write the message which can be taken form online or offline source. Adding a poem can also be very romantic. “Be my Valentine” can be a best message in your handmade card. Everything which you think about your loved one should go in the card. Another way is to create your card online or electronically. There are various websites which allow you to create cards of your own choice. These websites provide different types of fonts as well as covers. You can also write your own message as well as from one of their verses inside the card. This is a perfect way to express your true feelings. It must be kept in mind that you should order your card before time so that you can review it for errors prior to the arrival of Valentine’s Day. There are many valentine cards with different themes available in the market. It is very difficult to choose one from a very large list, as you want a very special card for that very special person. The card must be perfect in all aspects from the cover to the writing style to what the message it conveys. The most prominent of them are Miss You valentine cards, Kiss You valentine cards. But you should always go for a unique card, a card that just says “I Love You” can also do the trick. Nowadays the Valentine E-cards are getting very popular. The main reason is that they are free of cost and have are available in a huge variety. A free valentine e-card is a very wonderful way to express your romantic felling t your loved one and know how you fell about him or her. The best thing about such cards is that these cards can be sentimental as well as funny. These cards can be used in many different ways and purposes depending upon you that you use them for which purpose. Another unique feature of such cards is that they are available throughout the year

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Warning: This Article is a Waste of Time

Today’s topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We’re going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole article to the subject of time and stress some of it’s finer points, then perhaps Father Time will show his appreciation by granting me a few extra hours each day. This will allow me to be able to complete a couple more important tasks each day such as hitting the ‘Snooze’ button on my alarm clock at least 15 more times each morning. And speaking of snoozing, there will be none of that during today’s lesson which will begin right now: Time is defined by the The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language as: ‘A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.’ This definition leads us to the obvious question: If a definition contains 20 word, 5 of which contain 10 or more letters, and it still doesn’t make much sense, isn’t it time to get another dictionary? Of course, dictionaries aren’t the only people who have trouble with time. The ancient Mayans, for example, struggled to understand time for centuries and never got it quite right. One look at their calender clues you in to this fact.

The Mayan calender had 18 months, one of which was called ChikChan (short for May), and each month had 20 days. There was even one month, Wayeb, that had only 5 days. As you can imagine, this horribly inaccurate calender made scheduling important events like the Super Bowl next to impossible. It also left them wide open to insults from other ancient civilizations, like the Sumerians for example, who had fairly accurate calenders. The Sumerian calender had 365 days per year and even incorporated a leap year. Sadly, there was no Presidents Day, Martin Luther King Day, or Arbor Day incorporated into the Sumerian calender which is why the Sumerian civilization was eventually wiped out. Such flagrant calender discrimination, even in the Dark Ages, could not be tolerated. Since we have covered all pertinent information available about calenders, I think it’s high time we expand our understanding of time by discussing another mechanism by which we mortals judge the passing of it. But first, does anyone know where the phrase ‘high time’ comes from? Is there such a thing as ‘low time’. Feel free to ponder these questions quietly as we move on to discussing: The Clock. A clock, for those of you who don’t know, is defined by The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language as…Wait a second! Let’s not even go there. We’re already pretty confused as it is. Let’s just all agree that a clock is a device that has lots of numbers and two arms and makes it’s living by juggling minutes and seconds. I feel the extreme need to insert a time cliche here. This cliche makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and probably has pagan, barbaric origins, but I think it summarizes what we’ve learned thus far in our discussion. So here goes our first time cliche ‘A stitch in time saves nine’. And now back to the show. There have been numerous different kinds of clocks throughout history. Many of them made absolutely no sense whatsoever. A good example of this is the ancient Egyptian water clock, which was basically just a bowl with a hole in the bottom of it. There were markings on the inside of the bowl that measured the passage of ‘hours’ as the water level reached them. One of the obvious problems with this clock was the fact that whenever working-class Egyptians wanted to get off work early they would keep taking little sips of water from the bowl/clock throughout the day. This was one of the reasons it took so long to finish the Pyramids.That and the lack of power tools. Time doesn’t permit us to talk about the other types of ancient clocks like obelisks, sundials, and hemicycles. And there definitely isn’t time to go into merkhets. Speaking of merkhets, a close cousin of the clock is the watch. The watch is the time-telling device that most of us use today. We do not however, use it to tell time. We use it to do numerous other tasks that watch manufacturers have incorporated into watches like instant messaging, reading email, and fast forwarding the DVD player. There’s even a new watch on the market that comes equip with a radiation detector. And you laughed at the Eyptians for drinking from their time-telling devices. Obviously, time is not something that can be explained in just one lesson. There’s a ton of more interesting stuff we could go into about time but, frankly, I don’t feel like taking the time to look it up right now. I believe I’ve achieved my goal of using as many time cliches as I possibly could in one article and now, I think it’s time to call an extended timeout on this whole time subject. I’m sure when I do write the follow-up to this article that it will be just in the nick of time. Probably sometime around Wayeb 1st.

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Who Will Win the Online Movie Rental War

Online DVD rentals are becoming more and more popular with consumers as people move away from VHS, become more comfortable generally with buying online, get sick and tired of paying for higher and higher movie ticket prices.

Online DVD rentals are both a fast and convenient way to rent movies. Online DVD film rental companies allow a person to rent and buy DVD movies online through the mail. Normally, a customer interacts with the DVD rental company via the Internet and receives the films ordered via regular mail.

How DVD film rental works

DVD film rental companies operate on the following model: A new customer joins the DVD rental service and creates a list of good movies they will like to rent, This is called there Q or Queue, and next the DVD rental company sends movies from the customers list by regular mail, finally the customer receives the films, views them and sends them back and receives another film from list.

The two top companies right now are Blockbuster & Netflix. Both of them have there avenges and offer basically the same thing. But in my option I love Blockbuster, just for the mere sake that after I watch the online rentals I can go to the Blockbuster right across the street and exchange them for more movies or games.

But for more details you should check out both of them and decide which one is will meet your needs better.
Both Blockbuster & Netflix offer a free DVD film rental trail, but at the end of this article Im show you how to try the free trial.

Blockbuster DVD Film Rental

Although the first online rental company has to be Netfilx. Netflix quickly became popular with the renting movies by mail, but when Blockbuster start there movies by mail service, they quickly over took Netflix. By offering an easy to use, quick and affordable solution to Netflix.

My 3 Reasons Why

The reason I don’t use Netflix and won’t advice anyone to use its service is because their service is expensive, DVD delivery is slow and they don’t provide coupons as often as Blockbuster does.

Another reason I use Blockbuster to rent and buy DVD movies on-line is because they provide free movie and game rental coupons to users each month.

The last reason I love Blockbuster’s service is their fast and efficient delivery of DVD rentals, they have an arrangement with USPS that enables Blockbuster to electronically register DVD’s refund before they actually arrive their office. This saves time for both Blockbuster and their users benefit from greater turn-around time for their next DVD rental.

If you are looking for an efficient, reliable and affordable Online DVD film rental service, I highly recommend Blockbuster online DVD rental.

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Joe Doe in London, England purchased a

Ninja Silhouette

About 9 hours agoe
Ninja Silhouette 9 hours ago

Joe Doe in London, England purchased a

Joe Doe in London?

Joe Doe in London, England purchased a

Joe Doe in London?

Joe Doe in London, England purchased a